A delightful comedy about old age, set in Sunny Days Retirement Home. The tedious life of the elderly residents is shaken up by a newcomer who isn't all she seems, a group of work experience girls and the arrival of a Local Authority inspector. The staff do their best to ward off disaster and convince the inspector that all is well, despite an accident prone manager, a large hole in the floor, a hapless doctor, a drunken cook and a menu with rather too much rhubarb. Will they manage to work together to keep Sunny Days open?
Male - 8
Female - 14 (including 3 teenagers who could be male if required)
Juniors - 2
Excerpt
Reginald: Attention! Sit up straight! Come on you paltry excuse for soldiers, it's inspection time.
As he speaks the residents all jump and try to sit straighter, apart from Jimmy who is still sleeping and Rose who looks confused.
Rose: What’s going on? What does he want me to do?
Charlie: Don’t worry Rose, it’s only The Major. He does this all the time, don’t you remember?
Rose: (Studying Reginald carefully) No!
Betty: For goodness sake Reg, give it a rest.
Reginald: It’s Reginald to you Mrs Smith.
Betty: I’ve told you before Reg, it’s fine to call me Betty.
Reginald: I disapprove of the modern tendency for over-familiarisation.
Phyllis: She’s just being friendly Reg…(he glares at her)…inald.
Dorothy: Normally I would agree that it’s impolite to be over-familiar but in this instance I think it’s acceptable. After all, we do have to live together.
Reginald: I had to live with my commanding officer in the army, but I didn’t call him Sebastian.
Charlie: It’s not really the same thing is it?
Christine Brooks enters DR, carrying a folder.
Reginald: Good morning Mrs Brooks, the troops are ready for inspection.
Christine: (Jumping and dropping the folder, which she picks up again) Thank you Reginald but that won’t be necessary. How are we all today?
Phyllis: Very well thank you.
Bob: Speak for yourself, I’m not at all well. I’m in agony.
Christine: What’s the trouble Bob? Is it the waterworks again?
Bob: That’s right, tell everyone why don’t you?
Christine: Doctor Sterling will be here soon, so I’ll ask him to take a look at you.
Dorothy: I’d like to have a consultation with the doctor too please.
Charlie: I bet you would! We all know you have a soft spot for him.
Dorothy: Don’t be vulgar Charlie.
Phyllis: We’re all rather fond of the doctor, aren’t we Joan?
Joan: Pardon?
Phyllis: Fond of the doc.
Joan: Fondle the duck? No thanks, I’m not a fan of wildlife.
Dorothy: Rose likes the doctor too don’t you dear?
Rose: Do I? I’m not sure I know him.
Phyllis: Of course you do, he’s very nice. I’m knitting him a scarf.
Bob: Lucky him!
Phyllis: Would you like one? I can make you one next.
Bob: No, you’re alright.
Rose: That man there – whoever he is - seems to like the blanket you knitted him.
Dorothy: He’s very snug, aren’t you Jimmy?
Jimmy snores. Jane Roberts enters UR
Charlie: Morning nurse Jane, you’re looking particularly lovely today.
Jane: Good morning everyone.
Christine: Hello Jane. Bob’s feeling a little under the weather this morning.
Jane: Is it the waterworks again?
Bob: That’s right, you tell everyone too! There’s no privacy around here.
Christine: Can you help him along to his room and then take Doctor Sterling to see him when he arrives.
Jane: Yes of course. Come along Bob, let’s get you up.
Bob: I’m not an invalid you know. I’m quite capable of getting myself to my room.
Charlie: You can take me to my room if you like nurse.
Jane: Behave yourself Charlie.
Christine: (Fetching a walking frame and knocking into several residents with it). Sorry! Sorry!
Bob pulls himself up on the walking frame, falls back again and eventually gets up with help from Jane and slowly exits UR with her. Reginald takes his seat.
Jane: Any time today Bob!
Bob: Less of your cheek young lady!
Christine: We have a new resident arriving later, so I hope you’ll all make her feel welcome.
Phyllis: Of course we will. It’ll be lovely to have a new face around here.
Betty: What’s wrong with the old faces?
Phyllis: (Embarrassed) Nothing’s wrong with them. I just mean, well you know…
Dorothy: We know exactly what you mean Phyllis.
Joan: Who’s being mean? Is it Reginald again?
Reginald: Someone has to instil some discipline in this place.
Charlie: It’s supposed to be a retirement home, not a barracks.
Joan: There’s no need to swear!
Reginald: That’s the trouble with the world today – there’s no respect any more.
Male - 8
Female - 14 (including 3 teenagers who could be male if required)
Juniors - 2
Excerpt
Reginald: Attention! Sit up straight! Come on you paltry excuse for soldiers, it's inspection time.
As he speaks the residents all jump and try to sit straighter, apart from Jimmy who is still sleeping and Rose who looks confused.
Rose: What’s going on? What does he want me to do?
Charlie: Don’t worry Rose, it’s only The Major. He does this all the time, don’t you remember?
Rose: (Studying Reginald carefully) No!
Betty: For goodness sake Reg, give it a rest.
Reginald: It’s Reginald to you Mrs Smith.
Betty: I’ve told you before Reg, it’s fine to call me Betty.
Reginald: I disapprove of the modern tendency for over-familiarisation.
Phyllis: She’s just being friendly Reg…(he glares at her)…inald.
Dorothy: Normally I would agree that it’s impolite to be over-familiar but in this instance I think it’s acceptable. After all, we do have to live together.
Reginald: I had to live with my commanding officer in the army, but I didn’t call him Sebastian.
Charlie: It’s not really the same thing is it?
Christine Brooks enters DR, carrying a folder.
Reginald: Good morning Mrs Brooks, the troops are ready for inspection.
Christine: (Jumping and dropping the folder, which she picks up again) Thank you Reginald but that won’t be necessary. How are we all today?
Phyllis: Very well thank you.
Bob: Speak for yourself, I’m not at all well. I’m in agony.
Christine: What’s the trouble Bob? Is it the waterworks again?
Bob: That’s right, tell everyone why don’t you?
Christine: Doctor Sterling will be here soon, so I’ll ask him to take a look at you.
Dorothy: I’d like to have a consultation with the doctor too please.
Charlie: I bet you would! We all know you have a soft spot for him.
Dorothy: Don’t be vulgar Charlie.
Phyllis: We’re all rather fond of the doctor, aren’t we Joan?
Joan: Pardon?
Phyllis: Fond of the doc.
Joan: Fondle the duck? No thanks, I’m not a fan of wildlife.
Dorothy: Rose likes the doctor too don’t you dear?
Rose: Do I? I’m not sure I know him.
Phyllis: Of course you do, he’s very nice. I’m knitting him a scarf.
Bob: Lucky him!
Phyllis: Would you like one? I can make you one next.
Bob: No, you’re alright.
Rose: That man there – whoever he is - seems to like the blanket you knitted him.
Dorothy: He’s very snug, aren’t you Jimmy?
Jimmy snores. Jane Roberts enters UR
Charlie: Morning nurse Jane, you’re looking particularly lovely today.
Jane: Good morning everyone.
Christine: Hello Jane. Bob’s feeling a little under the weather this morning.
Jane: Is it the waterworks again?
Bob: That’s right, you tell everyone too! There’s no privacy around here.
Christine: Can you help him along to his room and then take Doctor Sterling to see him when he arrives.
Jane: Yes of course. Come along Bob, let’s get you up.
Bob: I’m not an invalid you know. I’m quite capable of getting myself to my room.
Charlie: You can take me to my room if you like nurse.
Jane: Behave yourself Charlie.
Christine: (Fetching a walking frame and knocking into several residents with it). Sorry! Sorry!
Bob pulls himself up on the walking frame, falls back again and eventually gets up with help from Jane and slowly exits UR with her. Reginald takes his seat.
Jane: Any time today Bob!
Bob: Less of your cheek young lady!
Christine: We have a new resident arriving later, so I hope you’ll all make her feel welcome.
Phyllis: Of course we will. It’ll be lovely to have a new face around here.
Betty: What’s wrong with the old faces?
Phyllis: (Embarrassed) Nothing’s wrong with them. I just mean, well you know…
Dorothy: We know exactly what you mean Phyllis.
Joan: Who’s being mean? Is it Reginald again?
Reginald: Someone has to instil some discipline in this place.
Charlie: It’s supposed to be a retirement home, not a barracks.
Joan: There’s no need to swear!
Reginald: That’s the trouble with the world today – there’s no respect any more.