'Plenty of comic one liners, slapstick comedy and a larger than life dame.'
(Noda review of Stowmarket Operatic and Dramatic Society)
(Noda review of Stowmarket Operatic and Dramatic Society)
This is an extremely funny, joke filled pantomime version of the traditional fairy tale with an unusual twist. Little Red Riding Hood and her ‘hoody’ friends are modern girls, not afraid to investigate the strange museum which has been opened in the village by Professor Lupus. The Professor, alias Mr Wolf and his sidekicks are archetypal characters from Hammer Horror, including Dr Jekyll/Mr Hyde, vampires Count Toothree and Countess Bloodlust, and the comedy duo Frank and Stein. Dame Granny Smith provides much of the humour by deciding to advertise for a date and then meeting up with the various baddies in different settings, including a fishing trip and the local disco. Meanwhile the lovely Squire’s daughter falls in love with a poor woodcutter who needs to make his fortune before he can marry her.
There are lots of opportunities for slapstick including a traditional parcel throwing scene, a custard pie for the count and a hilarious chase. The pantomime culminates in the expected fairy tale scene with Little Red Riding Hood and the Wolf in Granny’s cottage.
Male – 5
Female – 9 (3-4 of which are teenage/junior roles)
Male or female – 4
There are also small speaking parts for various chorus members and juniors. This is pantomime so some of these parts could be played by male or female of any age.
Excerpt
Granny: Hello there, you must be Frank.
Frank: I always speak my mind.
Granny: Are you hungry?
Frank: Yes, I could do with a bite.
Granny: Well you’re in luck, I’ve brought a little picnic with me.
Frank: It looks like you’ve packed up half of Tesco’s.
Granny: It’s only a few sandwiches.
Frank: A few sandwiches, in a dirty great basket like that?
Granny: Well I used thick sliced bread.
Frank: What’s in the sandwiches?
Granny: Cheese. I went to the butchers but didn’t get any cold meat.
Frank: If you didn’t get any cold meat what were you doing at the butchers?
Granny: Chop lifting!
Frank: Have you got anything else in there? I’ve got a very sweet tooth.
Granny: Well, I thought I’d tempt you with custard and jelly and sponge cake.
Frank: No, I won’t be trifled with.
Frank casts the fishing rod offstage while Granny opens the hamper and gets out a huge sandwich.
Granny: Did you bring me a present?
Frank: No but I wrote you a poem.
Granny: Ooh, I love poetry. Read it to me.
Frank: (Reading) I want to feel your sweet embrace but keep a paper bag on your face.
Granny: Is that it?
Frank: I didn’t have time to write any more. That took me two days.
Granny: You’re not very clever are you?
Frank: Oh yes I am. I’ve just finished a jigsaw in 18 months.
Granny: What’s clever about that?
Frank: Well, it said on the box 3 to 5 years.
Granny: Are you fishing?
Frank: No, just drowning worms.
Granny: You’ll never catch anything in that stream.
Frank: Well that’s where you’re wrong. A month ago I caught lumbago, last week I caught a cold and today I’ve caught a sole.
Granny: A sole? Get away!
Frank: It nearly did.
Granny: How big is it?
Frank: Size 11. (He pulls the rod in and there is an old boot on the end).
Granny: Let me have a go at that. (She casts the rod into the wings).
Frank: What are you doing?
Granny: I’m fishing for a man.
Frank: What’s wrong with me?
Granny: I like to keep my options open.
Frank: You won’t catch a man like that.
Granny: Oh yes I will.
Granny pulls the rod in and on it is a pair of trousers. A man dressed only in his underwear runs across the stage and Granny chases him off DL.
Frank: Well that was pants! (He exits DR).
There are lots of opportunities for slapstick including a traditional parcel throwing scene, a custard pie for the count and a hilarious chase. The pantomime culminates in the expected fairy tale scene with Little Red Riding Hood and the Wolf in Granny’s cottage.
Male – 5
Female – 9 (3-4 of which are teenage/junior roles)
Male or female – 4
There are also small speaking parts for various chorus members and juniors. This is pantomime so some of these parts could be played by male or female of any age.
Excerpt
Granny: Hello there, you must be Frank.
Frank: I always speak my mind.
Granny: Are you hungry?
Frank: Yes, I could do with a bite.
Granny: Well you’re in luck, I’ve brought a little picnic with me.
Frank: It looks like you’ve packed up half of Tesco’s.
Granny: It’s only a few sandwiches.
Frank: A few sandwiches, in a dirty great basket like that?
Granny: Well I used thick sliced bread.
Frank: What’s in the sandwiches?
Granny: Cheese. I went to the butchers but didn’t get any cold meat.
Frank: If you didn’t get any cold meat what were you doing at the butchers?
Granny: Chop lifting!
Frank: Have you got anything else in there? I’ve got a very sweet tooth.
Granny: Well, I thought I’d tempt you with custard and jelly and sponge cake.
Frank: No, I won’t be trifled with.
Frank casts the fishing rod offstage while Granny opens the hamper and gets out a huge sandwich.
Granny: Did you bring me a present?
Frank: No but I wrote you a poem.
Granny: Ooh, I love poetry. Read it to me.
Frank: (Reading) I want to feel your sweet embrace but keep a paper bag on your face.
Granny: Is that it?
Frank: I didn’t have time to write any more. That took me two days.
Granny: You’re not very clever are you?
Frank: Oh yes I am. I’ve just finished a jigsaw in 18 months.
Granny: What’s clever about that?
Frank: Well, it said on the box 3 to 5 years.
Granny: Are you fishing?
Frank: No, just drowning worms.
Granny: You’ll never catch anything in that stream.
Frank: Well that’s where you’re wrong. A month ago I caught lumbago, last week I caught a cold and today I’ve caught a sole.
Granny: A sole? Get away!
Frank: It nearly did.
Granny: How big is it?
Frank: Size 11. (He pulls the rod in and there is an old boot on the end).
Granny: Let me have a go at that. (She casts the rod into the wings).
Frank: What are you doing?
Granny: I’m fishing for a man.
Frank: What’s wrong with me?
Granny: I like to keep my options open.
Frank: You won’t catch a man like that.
Granny: Oh yes I will.
Granny pulls the rod in and on it is a pair of trousers. A man dressed only in his underwear runs across the stage and Granny chases him off DL.
Frank: Well that was pants! (He exits DR).