Peter Pan
This is a magical and very funny pantomime version of the novel by J.M. Barrie. It is largely faithful to the original story with the addition of a dame, Nana, the new nursemaid who has replaced a dog, leading to lots of ‘doggy’ jokes. Captain Hook is the best kind of panto baddie and his pirate sidekicks are suitably inept. The pirate comedy duo Line and Sinker are chased relentlessly by the Indian squaws Shy-Ann and Sioux. There are lots of opportunities for slapstick including a traditional ‘He’s behind you’ scene, a mop drill on board ship and a scene with a large inflatable fish.
A shorter version of this script as a play (ie minus the dame) is now available.
Male – 3
Female – 9
Male or female – 10
Several of these can be junior roles. There are also small speaking parts for various chorus members and juniors. This is pantomime so many of these parts could be played by male or female of any age.
Excerpt
Hook: Come along you paltry excuse for men, this is the way.
Smee: So where are the lost boys?
Hook: Curses, missed them again! You fools, you let them get away every time. (He stands still and looks at the audience) Look at that miserable crew out there. They should be seven fathoms deep looking like that. Who let them in? Smee, was it you?
Smee: No, it wasn’t Smee.
Hook: Well whoever they are I don’t like the look of ‘em. A more villainous lot never hung in a row on Execution Dock. They look more horrible than you lot, although that’s not saying much. I never saw anyone looking less like wicked pirates than you.
Line: We can be wicked when we want to be.
Hook: Is that right Mr Line? And what wickedness have you perpetrated pray tell?
Line: Um…well…once I stole Mr Sinker’s sweets.
Sinker: Yes, they were jelly babies too.
Hook: Humbug! You should be eating acid drops. You’re soft the lot of you. You’re pirates, you must learn to leer (looks leeringly), you must learn to swagger (swaggers across the stage), you must learn to laugh in a horrible way (does so). Right Mr Smee, what must you learn to do?
Smee: Leer, swagger and laugh sir.
Hook: Now, after me – leer! (They give horrible leering looks) Swagger! (They all swagger across the stage) Laugh! (They all laugh horribly except Starkey who laughs in a high pitched voice).
Hook: Mr Starkey, you laugh like a girl.
Starkey: That’s hardly surprising.
Hook: (Noticing that Sinker has a bottle on his finger) Mr Sinker, may one ask why you have a bottle on your finger.
Sinker: Yes sir, you may ask.
Hook: (After a pause) Well?
Sinker: Well what?
Hook: (Shouts) Why the devil have you got a bottle on your finger?
Sinker: I was trying to put a ship in the bottle and my finger got stuck.
Hook: You scurvy knave! Someone get it off.
Line pulls the bottle with Smee and Starkey pulling behind. They all fall over and in the struggle the bottle transfers to Line’s finger
Sinker: That’s better.
Line: (Trying to pull it off) Not for me it isn’t.
Hook: Shiver me timbers I can’t help feeling that the lair of those nasty boys must be around here somewhere, but where can it be?
Hook sits on the toadstool, smoke comes out of it and he jumps up yelling
Hook: Ouch! I’ve burnt my derriere! Whoever heard of a smoking toadstool? Do something Smee you blithering idiot.
Smee: Quick, fetch water to put out the Captain’s bottom.
Hook is jumping about in pain while Starkey fetches a bucket, passes it to Line who passes it to Sinker. Sinker throws it at the Captain but misses and hits Smee.
Smee: You got me wet now.
Sinker: Sorry Mr Smee.
Hook: Never mind that, come and have a look at this. I don’t think it’s a toadstool at all, on closer examination I think it’s a chimney. Well blow me down, this must be the chimney to the Lost Boys den. At last, we have them. All we have to do is to block the chimney and smoke them out, then they will reveal the entrance.
Starkey: Why are you so keen to catch them sir?
Hook: Because once I have them hostage that fool Peter Pan will come to rescue them. Then he will die at the end of my sword, slowly and painfully. (To audience) And so will you lily livered lot if you try to warn him!
Line: Buy why do you hate Peter Pan so much?
Sinker: He’s only a boy after all.
Hook: A boy! He’s the wickedest creature that ever walked the earth. Well, apart from me of course. See this hook? It was he who chopped off my arm with his sword and threw it to the crocodile. And do you know what happened then?
Sinker: The crocodile was sick.
Hook: The crocodile was…no, you son of a sea serpent! That slimy creature liked the taste of me so much that it wants to eat the rest of me and follows me everywhere.
Line: In a way it’s a sort of compliment.
This is a magical and very funny pantomime version of the novel by J.M. Barrie. It is largely faithful to the original story with the addition of a dame, Nana, the new nursemaid who has replaced a dog, leading to lots of ‘doggy’ jokes. Captain Hook is the best kind of panto baddie and his pirate sidekicks are suitably inept. The pirate comedy duo Line and Sinker are chased relentlessly by the Indian squaws Shy-Ann and Sioux. There are lots of opportunities for slapstick including a traditional ‘He’s behind you’ scene, a mop drill on board ship and a scene with a large inflatable fish.
A shorter version of this script as a play (ie minus the dame) is now available.
Male – 3
Female – 9
Male or female – 10
Several of these can be junior roles. There are also small speaking parts for various chorus members and juniors. This is pantomime so many of these parts could be played by male or female of any age.
Excerpt
Hook: Come along you paltry excuse for men, this is the way.
Smee: So where are the lost boys?
Hook: Curses, missed them again! You fools, you let them get away every time. (He stands still and looks at the audience) Look at that miserable crew out there. They should be seven fathoms deep looking like that. Who let them in? Smee, was it you?
Smee: No, it wasn’t Smee.
Hook: Well whoever they are I don’t like the look of ‘em. A more villainous lot never hung in a row on Execution Dock. They look more horrible than you lot, although that’s not saying much. I never saw anyone looking less like wicked pirates than you.
Line: We can be wicked when we want to be.
Hook: Is that right Mr Line? And what wickedness have you perpetrated pray tell?
Line: Um…well…once I stole Mr Sinker’s sweets.
Sinker: Yes, they were jelly babies too.
Hook: Humbug! You should be eating acid drops. You’re soft the lot of you. You’re pirates, you must learn to leer (looks leeringly), you must learn to swagger (swaggers across the stage), you must learn to laugh in a horrible way (does so). Right Mr Smee, what must you learn to do?
Smee: Leer, swagger and laugh sir.
Hook: Now, after me – leer! (They give horrible leering looks) Swagger! (They all swagger across the stage) Laugh! (They all laugh horribly except Starkey who laughs in a high pitched voice).
Hook: Mr Starkey, you laugh like a girl.
Starkey: That’s hardly surprising.
Hook: (Noticing that Sinker has a bottle on his finger) Mr Sinker, may one ask why you have a bottle on your finger.
Sinker: Yes sir, you may ask.
Hook: (After a pause) Well?
Sinker: Well what?
Hook: (Shouts) Why the devil have you got a bottle on your finger?
Sinker: I was trying to put a ship in the bottle and my finger got stuck.
Hook: You scurvy knave! Someone get it off.
Line pulls the bottle with Smee and Starkey pulling behind. They all fall over and in the struggle the bottle transfers to Line’s finger
Sinker: That’s better.
Line: (Trying to pull it off) Not for me it isn’t.
Hook: Shiver me timbers I can’t help feeling that the lair of those nasty boys must be around here somewhere, but where can it be?
Hook sits on the toadstool, smoke comes out of it and he jumps up yelling
Hook: Ouch! I’ve burnt my derriere! Whoever heard of a smoking toadstool? Do something Smee you blithering idiot.
Smee: Quick, fetch water to put out the Captain’s bottom.
Hook is jumping about in pain while Starkey fetches a bucket, passes it to Line who passes it to Sinker. Sinker throws it at the Captain but misses and hits Smee.
Smee: You got me wet now.
Sinker: Sorry Mr Smee.
Hook: Never mind that, come and have a look at this. I don’t think it’s a toadstool at all, on closer examination I think it’s a chimney. Well blow me down, this must be the chimney to the Lost Boys den. At last, we have them. All we have to do is to block the chimney and smoke them out, then they will reveal the entrance.
Starkey: Why are you so keen to catch them sir?
Hook: Because once I have them hostage that fool Peter Pan will come to rescue them. Then he will die at the end of my sword, slowly and painfully. (To audience) And so will you lily livered lot if you try to warn him!
Line: Buy why do you hate Peter Pan so much?
Sinker: He’s only a boy after all.
Hook: A boy! He’s the wickedest creature that ever walked the earth. Well, apart from me of course. See this hook? It was he who chopped off my arm with his sword and threw it to the crocodile. And do you know what happened then?
Sinker: The crocodile was sick.
Hook: The crocodile was…no, you son of a sea serpent! That slimy creature liked the taste of me so much that it wants to eat the rest of me and follows me everywhere.
Line: In a way it’s a sort of compliment.