"Absolutely hilarious, I laughed from start the finish. The Elvis loving King was a stroke of Genius." (Review from a Whitefield Players production)
This is a traditional pantomime with a few twists and lots of fun. Set in a farming village, the cast includes Pat the Cowman, Hugh the Shepherd and the silly dairymaids Marge and Flora. The old miller has died, leaving his mill to his two eldest sons, much to the delight of their fashion conscious wives. The youngest brother Jamie inherits only the miller's old cat. Meanwhile at the palace the King and Queen want to find a suitable husband for Princess Clarinda. In a nearby castle the Ogre Clenchfist, encouraged by his mother Wrinklefist plots to kidnap the princess and hold her to ransom, enlisting the help of a gang of rats in his evil plan, while fairy Belinda Blackberry does her best to stop him. More fun and slapstick is provided by the Dame Penny Farthing, the palace housekeeper and Derek the Lord Chamberlain.
Male - 8
Female - 10
Male or female - 2
Juniors - 7 (but can be adjusted to suit any number)
There are also small speaking parts for chorus members if required. As with all pantomime many of these parts can be played by male or female of any age.
Excerpt
Clarinda: Where is father? I haven’t seen him today.
Queen: I’m not sure what he’s up to. He mentioned something about showing everyone who’s the king around here.
Clarinda: He is funny! Everyone knows he’s the king.
Lady Bird: I believe he had the royal tailor in his chamber earlier. I’m sure he wants to look his best for the guests.
King Cuthbert enters DR, wearing an Elvis Costume, singing blue suede shoes.
Queen: Cuthbert! What on earth have you got on?
King: The tailor assured me that this is what all the best kings are wearing.
Lady Bird: Are you sure he didn’t say clowns?
King: (Sings) Don’t be cruel.
Clarinda: Well I think you look very nice father.
King: Thank you dear.
Queen: I’m sorry Cuthbert but I’m not sure that outfit is suitable for our guests.
King: (Sings to Queen Beatrice) Love me tender, love me true, never let me go.
Queen: Why do you keep singing?
King: I’m not sure. As soon as I put this on something just came over me.
Penny and Derek enter DR.
Penny: Hello everyone!
Lady Bird: About time too.
Penny: Hello your majesty, you’re looking very smart.
Derek: You remind me of someone sire.
Penny: Well of course he reminds you of someone. He’s the king.
Clarinda: He seems to have turned into a singer.
Penny: Oh I know all about singing. I could have been a second Lady Gaga
Derek: Well you’ve got the gaga bit right.
Queen: Clarinda, your father would like to talk to you before the guests arrive.
Clarinda: (Suspicious) What about?
King: Um…I’m not sure really.
Queen: Cuthbert you know perfectly well what about.
King: Oh…um…well…
Clarinda: Daddy, what’s going on? Are you up to something?
King: (Sings) We can’t go on together, with suspicious minds.
Queen: Cuthbert!
Penny: Come on your majesty, don’t keep us in suspenders.
King: Clarinda, your mother thinks it’s time you were married.
Clarinda: (Horrified) Married?
Lady Bird: Oh how lovely. A royal wedding would be wonderful.
Derek: And expensive.
Clarinda: But I don’t want to get married.
Lady Bird: Nonsense, marriage is a wonderful institution.
Derek: But who wants to live in an institution?
Penny: Wouldn’t you like to be married Derek?
Derek: No, not really.
Penny: Even to me?
Derek: Especially not to you!
Lady Bird: The Lord Chancellor has much better taste. I’m sure he’d prefer a lady in waiting to a housekeeper.
Penny: Trouble is you’ve been waiting such a very long time.
Queen: Your father wants you to marry a nobleman, don’t you Cuthbert.
King: That’s right. Someone special for my little princess.
Queen: The most eligible bachelors in the kingdom are on their way to introduce themselves now.
A doorbell rings.
Lady Bird: Right on cue!
Penny: Derek, I’ve made some biscuits for the guests. Can you fetch them from the kitchen?
Derek: Alright. (Exits DL)
Penny: That’s what you want Princess, a man who obeys your every whim.
Prince Percival enters DR and bows.
Prince Percival: (Speaking with a lisp) Gweetings, I am Printh Perthival from ….(local town).
King: A prince eh? Jolly good.
Queen: Welcome Prince Percival. This is the Princess Clarinda.
Prince Percival: Super!
Lady Bird: Go on Princess, ask the prince a question.
Penny: You’d better keep it simple.
Clarinda: What are your parents called?
Prince Percival: Mummy and daddy of course.
Penny: Well intelligence isn’t everything.
The Earl of .…(local town) enters DR and bows – he wears thick glasses.
Earl: Greetings! I am the Earl of ...
King: An earl eh? That’s good.
Earl: (To Penny) Do I have the pleasure?
Penny: Not with me you don’t!
Earl: You’re a little older than I expected.
Lady Bird: A little older?
Earl: I would love to help such a charming, attractive creature as you. What can I do for you?
Lady Bird: Get your eyes tested.
The King of ….(local town) enters DR and bows. He has a ginger curly wig.
King of … : Good day! I am the King of …
King: A king eh? That’s not so good.
Queen: Why on earth not?
King: I don’t fancy the competition.
Penny: And I don’t fancy him either.
Derek re-enters DL with a plate of biscuits
King: Ooh biscuits, goody!
Queen: They’re for the guests dear.
King: Some people get all the luck.
Derek: (To Prince Percival) Jammy dodgers for you.
Prince Percival: Thank you.
Derek: (To the King of ….) Ginger nuts for you.
King of …. : Thank you.
Penny: Give the Earl of …. one of those nice ones – he wants to marry me.
Derek: I think these would suit you better sire.
Earl: What are they?
Derek: Crackers.
This is a traditional pantomime with a few twists and lots of fun. Set in a farming village, the cast includes Pat the Cowman, Hugh the Shepherd and the silly dairymaids Marge and Flora. The old miller has died, leaving his mill to his two eldest sons, much to the delight of their fashion conscious wives. The youngest brother Jamie inherits only the miller's old cat. Meanwhile at the palace the King and Queen want to find a suitable husband for Princess Clarinda. In a nearby castle the Ogre Clenchfist, encouraged by his mother Wrinklefist plots to kidnap the princess and hold her to ransom, enlisting the help of a gang of rats in his evil plan, while fairy Belinda Blackberry does her best to stop him. More fun and slapstick is provided by the Dame Penny Farthing, the palace housekeeper and Derek the Lord Chamberlain.
Male - 8
Female - 10
Male or female - 2
Juniors - 7 (but can be adjusted to suit any number)
There are also small speaking parts for chorus members if required. As with all pantomime many of these parts can be played by male or female of any age.
Excerpt
Clarinda: Where is father? I haven’t seen him today.
Queen: I’m not sure what he’s up to. He mentioned something about showing everyone who’s the king around here.
Clarinda: He is funny! Everyone knows he’s the king.
Lady Bird: I believe he had the royal tailor in his chamber earlier. I’m sure he wants to look his best for the guests.
King Cuthbert enters DR, wearing an Elvis Costume, singing blue suede shoes.
Queen: Cuthbert! What on earth have you got on?
King: The tailor assured me that this is what all the best kings are wearing.
Lady Bird: Are you sure he didn’t say clowns?
King: (Sings) Don’t be cruel.
Clarinda: Well I think you look very nice father.
King: Thank you dear.
Queen: I’m sorry Cuthbert but I’m not sure that outfit is suitable for our guests.
King: (Sings to Queen Beatrice) Love me tender, love me true, never let me go.
Queen: Why do you keep singing?
King: I’m not sure. As soon as I put this on something just came over me.
Penny and Derek enter DR.
Penny: Hello everyone!
Lady Bird: About time too.
Penny: Hello your majesty, you’re looking very smart.
Derek: You remind me of someone sire.
Penny: Well of course he reminds you of someone. He’s the king.
Clarinda: He seems to have turned into a singer.
Penny: Oh I know all about singing. I could have been a second Lady Gaga
Derek: Well you’ve got the gaga bit right.
Queen: Clarinda, your father would like to talk to you before the guests arrive.
Clarinda: (Suspicious) What about?
King: Um…I’m not sure really.
Queen: Cuthbert you know perfectly well what about.
King: Oh…um…well…
Clarinda: Daddy, what’s going on? Are you up to something?
King: (Sings) We can’t go on together, with suspicious minds.
Queen: Cuthbert!
Penny: Come on your majesty, don’t keep us in suspenders.
King: Clarinda, your mother thinks it’s time you were married.
Clarinda: (Horrified) Married?
Lady Bird: Oh how lovely. A royal wedding would be wonderful.
Derek: And expensive.
Clarinda: But I don’t want to get married.
Lady Bird: Nonsense, marriage is a wonderful institution.
Derek: But who wants to live in an institution?
Penny: Wouldn’t you like to be married Derek?
Derek: No, not really.
Penny: Even to me?
Derek: Especially not to you!
Lady Bird: The Lord Chancellor has much better taste. I’m sure he’d prefer a lady in waiting to a housekeeper.
Penny: Trouble is you’ve been waiting such a very long time.
Queen: Your father wants you to marry a nobleman, don’t you Cuthbert.
King: That’s right. Someone special for my little princess.
Queen: The most eligible bachelors in the kingdom are on their way to introduce themselves now.
A doorbell rings.
Lady Bird: Right on cue!
Penny: Derek, I’ve made some biscuits for the guests. Can you fetch them from the kitchen?
Derek: Alright. (Exits DL)
Penny: That’s what you want Princess, a man who obeys your every whim.
Prince Percival enters DR and bows.
Prince Percival: (Speaking with a lisp) Gweetings, I am Printh Perthival from ….(local town).
King: A prince eh? Jolly good.
Queen: Welcome Prince Percival. This is the Princess Clarinda.
Prince Percival: Super!
Lady Bird: Go on Princess, ask the prince a question.
Penny: You’d better keep it simple.
Clarinda: What are your parents called?
Prince Percival: Mummy and daddy of course.
Penny: Well intelligence isn’t everything.
The Earl of .…(local town) enters DR and bows – he wears thick glasses.
Earl: Greetings! I am the Earl of ...
King: An earl eh? That’s good.
Earl: (To Penny) Do I have the pleasure?
Penny: Not with me you don’t!
Earl: You’re a little older than I expected.
Lady Bird: A little older?
Earl: I would love to help such a charming, attractive creature as you. What can I do for you?
Lady Bird: Get your eyes tested.
The King of ….(local town) enters DR and bows. He has a ginger curly wig.
King of … : Good day! I am the King of …
King: A king eh? That’s not so good.
Queen: Why on earth not?
King: I don’t fancy the competition.
Penny: And I don’t fancy him either.
Derek re-enters DL with a plate of biscuits
King: Ooh biscuits, goody!
Queen: They’re for the guests dear.
King: Some people get all the luck.
Derek: (To Prince Percival) Jammy dodgers for you.
Prince Percival: Thank you.
Derek: (To the King of ….) Ginger nuts for you.
King of …. : Thank you.
Penny: Give the Earl of …. one of those nice ones – he wants to marry me.
Derek: I think these would suit you better sire.
Earl: What are they?
Derek: Crackers.