This is a very funny version of the traditional fairy story set in a medieval kingdom featuring a court jester and a herald called Gerald. Dame Cecilia Trollope, known to her friends as Cilly, is nursemaid to the princess Sleeping Beauty and flirts outrageously with the knights of the Ikea Table, including Sir Prance-a-lot and Sir Arfur Brain. The evil Fairy Lick Weed is assisted in her ambition to kidnap Princess Rose by the villainous Sir More dread and his useless sidekick Sir Less Dread. There is slapstick with a hilarious chase scene and an opportunity for a UV dance sequence in a dragon’s cave.
Male – 4
Female – 7
Male or female – 6
There is also room for a chorus & junior dancers if required. As with all pantomimes many of these parts could be played by male or female of any age. In particular the knights could be either sex.
Excerpt
More Dread: Ah, this is the place.
Less Dread: Why did we have to come into the forest?
More Dread: We’re looking for seclusion.
Less Dread: Sir Clusion? Is he lost then?
More Dread: You know, sometimes I think you were sent to teach me that not everything on earth has a purpose. I need you Less Dread.
Less Dread: Really Sir M?
More Dread: Yes – as much as a bald man needs a hairbrush. You do have one redeeming feature though, I hear that you’re kind to your inferiors.
Less Dread: That’s true.
More Dread: Unfortunately you don’t have any.
Less Dread: You’re right, I do have a kind heart. I’m my own worst enemy.
More Dread: Not while I’m alive you’re not.
Less Dread: So where will we find Sir Clusion then?
More Dread: Forget about him. We’ve come here where it’s private to discuss the succession.
Less Dread: I’ve gone off of ice lollies, I’d rather have a drinking session.
More Dread: My succession to the throne idiot! As the King’s nephew I am his rightful heir.
Less Dread: But what about the Princess?
More Dread: What about the Princess indeed. That baby stands in the way of what is rightfully mind.
Less Dread: But she can’t stand yet sire, she can only lie down at the moment.
More Dread: Sometimes I despair of you – well all the time actually.
There is a flash and Fairy Lick Weed appears DR
Less Dread: She’s a bit flash!
Lick Weed: Who are you who stand beneath the great oak and speak of the Princess Briar Rose?
More Dread: Greetings madam. I am Sire More Dread, nephew to King Hugo of Eglantine, and this is my younger and far stupider brother Sir Less Dread.
Lick Weed: How dare you mention the name of Eglantine to me! Your uncle is my sworn enemy and I have promised revenge on him and all his kin. Perhaps I should start with you – I could do with some entrails for my spells (raises her wand).
More Dread: No, please don’t hurt me! The bits of me you want would be no good for your magic, I’m dyslexic.
Less Dread: What does that mean?
More Dread: It means I can’t spell. Why not take Less Dread instead, he’d be much better than me. He can work miracles.
Less Dread: Can I?
More Dread: Well, you’ve managed to exist without a brain for all these years. I call that a miracle.
Lick Weed: Enough! You must die.
More Dread: But King Hugo is my enemy as much as yours. Why don’t we combine forces to be rid of him.
Lick Weed: Hmm, perhaps you could be useful to me. I wonder though how far you are prepared to go. I want to see the princess dead.
More Dread: Sounds good to me.
Lick Weed: Very well. We will work together to bring about the fall of the house of Eglantine. I will send you word when there is a task for you. Meanwhile watch and wait. (She exits DL)
Less Dread: I’m not too sure about being in partnership with her. She seems mad.
More Dread: Then you should get on well. Actually I rather liked her. She’s mad, bad and dangerous to know – just like us.
Male – 4
Female – 7
Male or female – 6
There is also room for a chorus & junior dancers if required. As with all pantomimes many of these parts could be played by male or female of any age. In particular the knights could be either sex.
Excerpt
More Dread: Ah, this is the place.
Less Dread: Why did we have to come into the forest?
More Dread: We’re looking for seclusion.
Less Dread: Sir Clusion? Is he lost then?
More Dread: You know, sometimes I think you were sent to teach me that not everything on earth has a purpose. I need you Less Dread.
Less Dread: Really Sir M?
More Dread: Yes – as much as a bald man needs a hairbrush. You do have one redeeming feature though, I hear that you’re kind to your inferiors.
Less Dread: That’s true.
More Dread: Unfortunately you don’t have any.
Less Dread: You’re right, I do have a kind heart. I’m my own worst enemy.
More Dread: Not while I’m alive you’re not.
Less Dread: So where will we find Sir Clusion then?
More Dread: Forget about him. We’ve come here where it’s private to discuss the succession.
Less Dread: I’ve gone off of ice lollies, I’d rather have a drinking session.
More Dread: My succession to the throne idiot! As the King’s nephew I am his rightful heir.
Less Dread: But what about the Princess?
More Dread: What about the Princess indeed. That baby stands in the way of what is rightfully mind.
Less Dread: But she can’t stand yet sire, she can only lie down at the moment.
More Dread: Sometimes I despair of you – well all the time actually.
There is a flash and Fairy Lick Weed appears DR
Less Dread: She’s a bit flash!
Lick Weed: Who are you who stand beneath the great oak and speak of the Princess Briar Rose?
More Dread: Greetings madam. I am Sire More Dread, nephew to King Hugo of Eglantine, and this is my younger and far stupider brother Sir Less Dread.
Lick Weed: How dare you mention the name of Eglantine to me! Your uncle is my sworn enemy and I have promised revenge on him and all his kin. Perhaps I should start with you – I could do with some entrails for my spells (raises her wand).
More Dread: No, please don’t hurt me! The bits of me you want would be no good for your magic, I’m dyslexic.
Less Dread: What does that mean?
More Dread: It means I can’t spell. Why not take Less Dread instead, he’d be much better than me. He can work miracles.
Less Dread: Can I?
More Dread: Well, you’ve managed to exist without a brain for all these years. I call that a miracle.
Lick Weed: Enough! You must die.
More Dread: But King Hugo is my enemy as much as yours. Why don’t we combine forces to be rid of him.
Lick Weed: Hmm, perhaps you could be useful to me. I wonder though how far you are prepared to go. I want to see the princess dead.
More Dread: Sounds good to me.
Lick Weed: Very well. We will work together to bring about the fall of the house of Eglantine. I will send you word when there is a task for you. Meanwhile watch and wait. (She exits DL)
Less Dread: I’m not too sure about being in partnership with her. She seems mad.
More Dread: Then you should get on well. Actually I rather liked her. She’s mad, bad and dangerous to know – just like us.