This is an unusual and extremely funny pantomime version of the well-known story. It features the foppish character of Sir Percy Blakeney who is also the heroic Scarlet Pimpernel. He appears in a number of different disguises throughout the show and helps French aristocrats to escape from Paris, including Dame Madame du Poppadum and her dreadful daughters. Trying to stop him is Chauvelin – a wonderful pantomime baddie - and his useless guards Hugo First and Beau Legs. There are lots of opportunities for slapstick including an exploding birthday present, fun with a bottomless sedan chair and a trick bench.
Male – 5
Female – 6
Male or female – 7
There are also small speaking parts for various chorus members and juniors. As with all pantomime most of these parts could be played by male or female of any age.
Excerpt
Chauvelin: Quick, have you seen an ugly old hag around here? And I don’t mean the ones sitting out there (indicates audience).
Beau: There were lots of hags here, knitting by the guillotine.
Hugo: If you want one you could come back tomorrow, they’re here every day.
Chauvelin: You fools! What are your names guards?
Beau: Beau Legs at your service.
Hugo: And I’m Hugo – Hugo First.
Beau: Thank you very much. (They both laugh)
Chauvelin: Sacre bleu, you blithering idiots. I don’t suppose you allowed one of these old women to go out of the gates by any chance?
Hugo: Yes actually, one poor old thing’s granddaughter wasn’t feeling well so we sent her home.
Chauvelin: (Picking up a card from the guillotine) And what is this?
Beau: What a pretty card.
Hugo: What a lovely red flower.
Chauvelin: That flower is a Scarlet Pimpernel. So, he has fooled my guards yet again.
Beau: Oh, I wouldn’t say that Citizen Chauvelin.
Chauvelin: Oh, you wouldn’t.
Hugo: He didn’t fool us, not for one moment.
Chauvelin: He didn’t? Perhaps I’ve got the story wrong. This time he was disguised as an old hag, correct?
Beau: Yes.
Chauvelin: He knitted right under your very noses?
Hugo: Yes.
Chauvelin: And tricked you into letting him escape through the gates.
Beau: That’s right.
Chauvelin: And he didn’t fool you for one minute?
Hugo: We knew who he was, we wanted to see how far he would go.
Chauvelin: Mon blooming dieu, he couldn’t have gone very much further could he?
Beau: Oh, I don’t know. We’ve still got the guillotine.
Chauvelin: Zut alors, you’ve been stitched up. He has pulled the wool over your eyes, I will have you both thrown in the Bastille for this.
Hugo: Please citizen give us one more chance.
Beau: Yes, we won’t let you down again. Well, I won’t anyway.
Chauvelin: You must realise I’m deadly earnest.
Hugo: I’m living Hugo and I want to stay that way.
Chauvelin: Then you must apprehend this criminal and his band of meddlesome Englishmen before I send you to the glorious guillotine. I will give five thousand francs to the man who lays hands on the mysterious Scarlet Pimpernel. Where is my executioner?
Gillette: Here sir.
Chauvelin: Ensure your blade is sharpened ready to sever that cursed English neck.
Gillette: I am always ready to pounce citizen, I live on a knife edge.
Chauvelin: I feel I should think of something cutting to say, but I really can’t be bothered. Make yourself scarce now Gillette but be ready for the call to sever the head of this scoundrel. (Gillette bows and exits DR) And you two go and search for that damned elusive Pimpernel before I boil you both in oil and feed you to the pigs. (Beau and Hugo bow and exit through the gates). What are you lot staring at? (Looks at audience) Oh my giddy plume de ma t’aunt! What have we here but a load of English peasants? I hate the English and all they stand for – their soggy fishy and chippys, mushy peas and ‘orrible faggoty thingy, disgusting warm beer and stupid Morris dancing, waving silly hankies. Don’t shout at me, I’m not prejudiced – I hate everyone equally. I am the great Chauvelin, mastermind of the French Revolution. No-one will stand in my way, not you and certainly not a silly Englishman who calls himself after a girlie flower. And if anyone else gets in my way…(he makes a sign of cutting his throat).
Male – 5
Female – 6
Male or female – 7
There are also small speaking parts for various chorus members and juniors. As with all pantomime most of these parts could be played by male or female of any age.
Excerpt
Chauvelin: Quick, have you seen an ugly old hag around here? And I don’t mean the ones sitting out there (indicates audience).
Beau: There were lots of hags here, knitting by the guillotine.
Hugo: If you want one you could come back tomorrow, they’re here every day.
Chauvelin: You fools! What are your names guards?
Beau: Beau Legs at your service.
Hugo: And I’m Hugo – Hugo First.
Beau: Thank you very much. (They both laugh)
Chauvelin: Sacre bleu, you blithering idiots. I don’t suppose you allowed one of these old women to go out of the gates by any chance?
Hugo: Yes actually, one poor old thing’s granddaughter wasn’t feeling well so we sent her home.
Chauvelin: (Picking up a card from the guillotine) And what is this?
Beau: What a pretty card.
Hugo: What a lovely red flower.
Chauvelin: That flower is a Scarlet Pimpernel. So, he has fooled my guards yet again.
Beau: Oh, I wouldn’t say that Citizen Chauvelin.
Chauvelin: Oh, you wouldn’t.
Hugo: He didn’t fool us, not for one moment.
Chauvelin: He didn’t? Perhaps I’ve got the story wrong. This time he was disguised as an old hag, correct?
Beau: Yes.
Chauvelin: He knitted right under your very noses?
Hugo: Yes.
Chauvelin: And tricked you into letting him escape through the gates.
Beau: That’s right.
Chauvelin: And he didn’t fool you for one minute?
Hugo: We knew who he was, we wanted to see how far he would go.
Chauvelin: Mon blooming dieu, he couldn’t have gone very much further could he?
Beau: Oh, I don’t know. We’ve still got the guillotine.
Chauvelin: Zut alors, you’ve been stitched up. He has pulled the wool over your eyes, I will have you both thrown in the Bastille for this.
Hugo: Please citizen give us one more chance.
Beau: Yes, we won’t let you down again. Well, I won’t anyway.
Chauvelin: You must realise I’m deadly earnest.
Hugo: I’m living Hugo and I want to stay that way.
Chauvelin: Then you must apprehend this criminal and his band of meddlesome Englishmen before I send you to the glorious guillotine. I will give five thousand francs to the man who lays hands on the mysterious Scarlet Pimpernel. Where is my executioner?
Gillette: Here sir.
Chauvelin: Ensure your blade is sharpened ready to sever that cursed English neck.
Gillette: I am always ready to pounce citizen, I live on a knife edge.
Chauvelin: I feel I should think of something cutting to say, but I really can’t be bothered. Make yourself scarce now Gillette but be ready for the call to sever the head of this scoundrel. (Gillette bows and exits DR) And you two go and search for that damned elusive Pimpernel before I boil you both in oil and feed you to the pigs. (Beau and Hugo bow and exit through the gates). What are you lot staring at? (Looks at audience) Oh my giddy plume de ma t’aunt! What have we here but a load of English peasants? I hate the English and all they stand for – their soggy fishy and chippys, mushy peas and ‘orrible faggoty thingy, disgusting warm beer and stupid Morris dancing, waving silly hankies. Don’t shout at me, I’m not prejudiced – I hate everyone equally. I am the great Chauvelin, mastermind of the French Revolution. No-one will stand in my way, not you and certainly not a silly Englishman who calls himself after a girlie flower. And if anyone else gets in my way…(he makes a sign of cutting his throat).