This is a hilarious version of the novel by Robert Louis Stephenson with all of the familiar characters and a few additions. Jim Hawkins and his mother Dame Horatia Hawkins set sail on an adventure with Captain Jack Daw and his motley crew of pirates on the Hispaniola. Also on the journey are Squire Trelawney and Doctor Liversausage, while the Squire’s daughter Tilly stows on board dressed as a boy. Meanwhile a crew of female pirates led by Captain Polly Flint aboard the Maiden Voyage race them to collect the treasure. Slapstick is provided by means of a scene with ice cream cones, as well as a giant parrot.
Male – 4
Female – 6
Male or female – 8
There is also a giant parrot in a suit and small speaking parts for chorus members & junior dancers if required. As with all pantomime many of these parts could be played by male or female of any age.
Excerpt
Captain: Captain Jack Daw at your service. I heard you were looking for someone to steer your boat on a little venture you have planned.
Horatia: Cor! He can steer my boat any time.
Squire: How did you know we needed a captain?
Captain: I make it my business to know everything. If it’s experience you want I’m your man. You won’t find a better captain this side of (local port).
Squire: Then it’s settled. I’ll hire a ship and you shall captain her.
Horatia: Well if he’s captain I’m coming too.
Squire: You can be ship’s cook Horatia.
Jim: Um, there’s just one tiny little problem.
Doctor: What’s that Jim?
Jim: She can’t cook.
Horatia: So what shall I be?
Squire: In the blooming way I should think.
Captain: If you come you’ll have to scrub the decks.
Horatia: That’s fine, I’m a very good scrubber.
Jim: But mum, you used to get seasick in the paddling pool when you were younger.
Horatia: Oh I’ll have grown out of that now won’t I doctor?
Doctor: Oh yes, you’ll never fit in that paddling pool now.
Captain: Then that’s settled. You know, you remind me of the sea.
Horatia: You mean because I’m wild, reckless and romantic?
Captain: No, because you’ve got a wreck at the bottom. Hmm, we’ll still need a cook. You can’t expect men to sail without a good meal inside them.
Long John Silver and Short Joe enter DR.
Long John: Did I hear you say you was looking for a cook?
Captain: That’s right.
Long John: Then you needs look no further. A fine cook I be.
Short Joe: Aye, so he be.
Long John: Long John Silver at your service. I’m between jobs right now and would be grateful for a chance to sail with ye.
Captain: What’s your speciality?
Short Joe: He’s very good at the one-legged race.
Captain: I mean what can you cook?
Long John: Well I makes a fine pie.
Horatia: Ooh, I love pie. Is it Kate and Sidney?
Long John: No, that’s for landlubbers. It’s fisherman’s pie for me. I used to make it all the time.
Horatia: Why did you stop?
Short Joe: He ran out of fishermen.
Squire: It looks as though you have your cook captain.
Captain: What ships have you sailed on Long John?
Short Joe: There was the Black Pearl.
Captain: Isn’t that a pirate ship?
Long John: Blistering barnacles! My idiot brother here meant the Slack Girl. She was a fine merchant ship.
Captain: Hmm, are you sure? I think you could be pirates.
John and Joe: Oh no we’re not!
All: Oh yes you are!
Long John: Shut yer ugly traps or ye’ll be walking the plank afore this day is out.
Captain: I’m not sure about you two.
Jim: Billy Bones told me to look out for a one-legged man. He seemed afraid of him.
Long John: Why, how could anyone be afraid of little old me.
Short Joe: I am! (Long John hits him)
Squire: Well he seems alright to me Captain and we do need a cook.
Captain: Okay then, we’ll take the chance. I’ll be watching you like a hawk though.
Long John: You won’t regret it Cap’n.
Male – 4
Female – 6
Male or female – 8
There is also a giant parrot in a suit and small speaking parts for chorus members & junior dancers if required. As with all pantomime many of these parts could be played by male or female of any age.
Excerpt
Captain: Captain Jack Daw at your service. I heard you were looking for someone to steer your boat on a little venture you have planned.
Horatia: Cor! He can steer my boat any time.
Squire: How did you know we needed a captain?
Captain: I make it my business to know everything. If it’s experience you want I’m your man. You won’t find a better captain this side of (local port).
Squire: Then it’s settled. I’ll hire a ship and you shall captain her.
Horatia: Well if he’s captain I’m coming too.
Squire: You can be ship’s cook Horatia.
Jim: Um, there’s just one tiny little problem.
Doctor: What’s that Jim?
Jim: She can’t cook.
Horatia: So what shall I be?
Squire: In the blooming way I should think.
Captain: If you come you’ll have to scrub the decks.
Horatia: That’s fine, I’m a very good scrubber.
Jim: But mum, you used to get seasick in the paddling pool when you were younger.
Horatia: Oh I’ll have grown out of that now won’t I doctor?
Doctor: Oh yes, you’ll never fit in that paddling pool now.
Captain: Then that’s settled. You know, you remind me of the sea.
Horatia: You mean because I’m wild, reckless and romantic?
Captain: No, because you’ve got a wreck at the bottom. Hmm, we’ll still need a cook. You can’t expect men to sail without a good meal inside them.
Long John Silver and Short Joe enter DR.
Long John: Did I hear you say you was looking for a cook?
Captain: That’s right.
Long John: Then you needs look no further. A fine cook I be.
Short Joe: Aye, so he be.
Long John: Long John Silver at your service. I’m between jobs right now and would be grateful for a chance to sail with ye.
Captain: What’s your speciality?
Short Joe: He’s very good at the one-legged race.
Captain: I mean what can you cook?
Long John: Well I makes a fine pie.
Horatia: Ooh, I love pie. Is it Kate and Sidney?
Long John: No, that’s for landlubbers. It’s fisherman’s pie for me. I used to make it all the time.
Horatia: Why did you stop?
Short Joe: He ran out of fishermen.
Squire: It looks as though you have your cook captain.
Captain: What ships have you sailed on Long John?
Short Joe: There was the Black Pearl.
Captain: Isn’t that a pirate ship?
Long John: Blistering barnacles! My idiot brother here meant the Slack Girl. She was a fine merchant ship.
Captain: Hmm, are you sure? I think you could be pirates.
John and Joe: Oh no we’re not!
All: Oh yes you are!
Long John: Shut yer ugly traps or ye’ll be walking the plank afore this day is out.
Captain: I’m not sure about you two.
Jim: Billy Bones told me to look out for a one-legged man. He seemed afraid of him.
Long John: Why, how could anyone be afraid of little old me.
Short Joe: I am! (Long John hits him)
Squire: Well he seems alright to me Captain and we do need a cook.
Captain: Okay then, we’ll take the chance. I’ll be watching you like a hawk though.
Long John: You won’t regret it Cap’n.